There are days when I can't finish what I start, like the blog I posted earlier.  When my husband died I found out that he had been cheating, ran my credit in the ground, by forging my signature and getting a post office box, and that he somehow had refinanced our home, again by forging my signature, and put his mother as owner.  So, when I paid off my house, I paid off a house that was not mine.  Our marriage was not good for years.  I was not allowed to go anywhere, except to visit family.  My outlet was my friends and the phone.  If it hadn't been for them, I really don't know how I would have survived.

When I moved back home to take care of my mother, I left a job as an assistant manager.  I really thought I would come home and get her well, and find a job, look for a house close by and get on with my life.  No.  I am again stuck in the house, with a cranky woman.  I understand she doesn't feel good, but I get upset because I am doing all I can do.  The other thing that bothers me is my mom's house.  And I feel selfish for feeling this way.  My mom's house is listed with both my sister and I as beneficiaries.  If my mom has to enter a nursing home social security will take her house.  Which leaves my grandson and I with no home.  If she should pass away, my sister will take the house, even though its split fifty fifty.  Again, we will be left homeless.  Everyone tells my mom to put everything in my name, but she won't do it.  I don't know why. 

As to finding a man, that is none existant.  I miss talking and holding hands.  I miss hugs and kisses.  I miss someone holding me, when I'm upset.  Is there someone out there who would be willing to take me and my grandson on?  I also want to hold them, when they are upset, to give them hugs and kisses, do activities that they enjoy.  I don't think it would be one sided.  LOL..if there is a 6 foot extra cuddly guy out there, between 45-54, please let me know.

I"m putting this out there because I really don't have anyone to talk to.  I basically feel like I'm in prison.

I will give alittle background on my life...I've been married twice, divorced and then widowed.  I have 3 children by the first husband and 2 by the second.  When my husband died, I found out a whole lot of crap...cheating, using my credit to the point I have none and trying to take my house away from me, by putting it in  his mother's name.  Now how he did that I have no clue.

Right before my husband died we found out our youngest daughter was pregnant.  So when he died I was dealing with my girl's anguish over their father's death, dealing with what came out about the crap and also dealing with her pregnancy.  My grandson was born in June of 2008.  Now that brings up another issue of my daughter as a mother... she is not one and has never been, which is why I now have custody.

Now to update..I have moved back to my mothers ( I will talk more about what happened inbetween later).  She got sick last year so I moved back to take care of her..she is 85...and I thought at first I would come here, get her well, find a job and move somewhere close by to keep an eye of her.  Didn't happen....Her doctor's last year informed me that she cannot be left alone.  I also thought I would get some help from my sister..that is not going to happen either...she informed me she worked until 6:00 every day and the weekends are for her children and grandchildren.  When do I get to see my kids and my granddaughter..

My question is WHEN DO I GET A LIFE.  I have my grandson who is 4 and my mother 85.  Sometimes I don't know which one is older.  When do I get to see people? At this point never, except at the grocery store or library.  And then the thing about dating....I'm tired of being alone..I want someone to hold me and love me, but how do you meet anyone when you have a life, as I have.   So if someone reads this and can help with suggestions, please get back to me...because I'm our of answers.

So this will be all for now...Let me hear from you.